I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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