so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
