We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
