you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
