Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You are a genius and a whore.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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