dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
