I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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