Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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