NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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