I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
