I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
