that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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