I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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