he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
