Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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