I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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