Yo dont text me then not text me
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
