My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
