Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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