You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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