Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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