During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
