Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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