ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
In America we eat man semen.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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