i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
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