winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
