look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
