Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize