The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
It was confusing and full of hummus
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
