Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I love you. Go after that dick
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
