i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
