Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
