We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
