is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
