Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
