it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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