just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
