I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
zippers are such a cool invention
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
