i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
