i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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