Don't you send me to vm
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
