Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
