No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
