We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
