dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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