I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
