I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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