i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize