the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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