i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
