I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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