I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
