You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
