jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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