don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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