Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
