He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
