Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
