Say something about gay babies.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
