Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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